Q. Who are Eureka Machines?
A. We are.
Q. I’ve seen a couple of you guys in bands before. Who’ve you been in before?
A. Wayne was in Vatican Jet and Orka (who became Your Vegas). Pete used to play in a band called The Gushers. Chris plays with The Sisters Of Mercy, and used to play for The God Damn Whores with Jon Poole (Cardiacs/Wildhearts), Jase Edwards (Wolfsbane) and Denzel (Sonic Circus), AntiProduct, The Dead Pets and The Scaramanga Six. He also did a stupid thing called Robochrist, which was a joke that spiralled out of control. Davros just arrived one day. He won’t tell us if he has been in any other bands.
Q. Who’s that guy on the front of your album cover who looks like Derren Brown?
A. That’s the wonderful Steven Morricone, who played bass for us until March 2009. He left to concentrate on his band The Scaramanga Six. A few people have asked if we’re still friends and as much as it’d be amusing to say that we all had a massive fall-out, we’re still all best mates and knock about at the pub.
Q. What’s the best way to make a cup of tea?
A. Add tea bag and sugar to favourite mug, THEN hot water, THEN leave to cool for a reasonable amount of time. THEN add milk, THEN stir 60 times.
Q. What can we do to help you guys out? We like you.
A. We don’t have a ‘street team’ as such, partly because I tend to think the term is a bit patronising, and partly because not enough people like us yet. But you can contact us about flyers and posters via the Help page, and put them up in your town, or in your local record shops etc. You can buy and wear one of our t-shirts at well-attended public functions, such as a pop concert or a wedding or at a local cricket match. (I wear mine when shopping.) You can share us about on Facebook. You could put us in your top friends on MySpace if you are that way inclined, although we’re not sure that anyone is anymore. E-mail your local radio station and request they play our stuff. Or you can just buy the album, enjoy the tunes and stick a track on a mixtape next time you do one. (Do kidz still do mixtapes? It was a surefire way to get in girls’ knickers when I were a lad. Or should I say it was a surefire way to try and get in a girl’s knickers, and ultimately fail then spend the rest of your teenage years considering why the fuck you are alive.)
Q. Can we book you for a gig?
A. Yes of course, if we can do it and if the PA is half decent. We’re loud and unfortunately/fortunately need to play through a PA that is up to the job. This is not being snobby or pretentious. It’s simply making sure that we get a half-decent sound.
Q. Do you mind if I copy your CD for my mates?
A. Yeah go on then. But if they like it, they have to buy it. If they don’t like it, then it should probably have been better in the first place.
Q. I’ve seen your album on a torrent site on the internet, and I downloaded it. Hooray for me.
A. Well you might catch a nasty virus or something. Seriously, please don’t download it – you are taking money directly out of our pockets if you illegally download it. Nefarious downloading of music is not necessarily a bad thing – it’s good to get a taster of stuff, but please, if you like it, don’t steal it. You wouldn’t steal a car, as the thing at the start of DVDs says. Well, you might, actually, I suppose. We don’t discriminate – thieves might like our tunes too! In all seriousness, though – if you don’t want it, that’s fine, but if you do, stick your hand in your pocket and buy the thing, so we can continue to make music that you enjoy.
Q: Being in a band is pretty rock n’ roll right? You guys play a lot, you must get up to some proper raucous antics. Tell us about the drugs, and the groupies.
A: In order to drive to gigs, load in and get a decent soundcheck, play a gig, then drive home, we have to be pretty on-the-ball. We think that the best rock n’ roll stuff comes from doing a brilliant gig in front of a nice and appreciative audience. Not the rubbish sex and drugs and rock and roll crap that passes for cool. It’s not 1987, you know. I read the Motley Crue book and it was just depressing… Everyone says how amazing it’d be to live that dream, but I don’t think Motley Crue even wanted to be in Motley Crue any more. Doing great gigs and having a great time is fun, drugging women, rape, drink driving and stealing from your family is not.
Q: What do you do to pass the time in your tourbus from gig to gig?
A: Well, for a start it’s not so much a tour bus as Chris’s R-reg Carina, but we do all sorts. Generally not Eye Spy. We do all sorts of exciting stuff. One time, we drove back from Croydon to Leeds only listening to bands that began with the letter ‘S’. We have just bought ourselves a van, so we expect to spend a lot of time talking about how we can pimp it, then not doing.
Q: Why don’t you come to Glasgow/Brighton/Bristol/Edinburgh/Bath etc etc?
A: We’d love to come and play in your town, but the harsh reality of being in a new band at the moment is that promoters don’t often want to take a chance on putting on new bands that they don’t know much about. Which you can’t really blame them for. We deliberately aren’t expensive, because we know our place (at the moment), we aren’t in the habit of pissing people off and most of all because we always are looking for re-bookings, but it’s difficult for us to do gigs for free, so you can understand why some promoters might not want to put us on.
But if you want us to play your town, tell your local venues about us, or if you think you can get a load of your mates in to see us, then put us on yourself! You can help by printing out some of the flyers and posters in the Help section of the website. We really need all the help we can get.
Q: My mate says you’re a joke band, with all your silly dancing and stupid faces. He likes Radiohead and Coldplay.
A: We think that humour in music is underrated. Some people (and magazines) seem to think that if you have a smile on your face during a gig, you’re basically Bobby Davro, which we don’t think is true. We work our bollocks off at our gigs, and practice more than most bands, we’re just trying to make every second count, like Paul Daniels. If you don’t want to leave a gig with a smile on your face, go and see… I dunno… Phil Collins.
We like Radiohead and Coldplay too, but don’t have to be like them.
Q. Who was the best Doctor Who?
A. Fuck off.
Q. Where did you get the name from?
A. Chris thought of it a couple of years ago and was subsequently followed around by the word Eureka, which he took as a sign.
Q. Why do I get hoovers and random Latin generators when I search for you on Google?
A. You probably don’t so much anymore, but you would have done when we were new. Please click us and not the hoovers.
Q. Can you speak Latin?
Q. Do you have a hoover?
Q. Can I do a remix of your stuff?
A. Yes, please do. We’d love that. Send it to band[at]eurekamachines.com so we can have a listen.
Q. Where are you from?
A. We all live in Leeds. But originally Davros is from Selby, Chris is from Hull and Pete is from Bradford. Wayne is the only official Leodensian.
Q. Can you explain what is going on in the new series of Lost?
Q. What’s the best band name ever?
A. Real – Kool And The Gang
Hypothetical – Ace Lads
Q. Why was the debut album called Do Or Die?
A. Because all the songs are about getting off your arse, switching off the TV and doing something less boring instead.
Q. Why do you call yourself Chris Catalyst?
A. Because I used to be in a band called Catylyst, and when the band finished, the name stuck. I didn’t call myself it, it called me it. Plus it’s better than the real option.
Q. Is anybody still reading this?
A. Almost certainly not.